then you stand.

for my very special brudder. :)

2008-09-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

سياھرول اسر١ف says:
no special someone for me
♥ Kymberly says:
really meh. then who is your brudder to you? not special ah. LOL.
سياھرول اسر١ف says:
you're not special
سياھرول اسر١ف says:
you're beyond that
سياھرول اسر١ف says:
way beyond
♥ Kymberly says:
i wish i could tell myself that. lol

hey brudder, i want you to know, that you are really special to me too. no friend could ever replace you. and i want our friendship to last a lifetime. you're always a friend i could turn to no matter what i'm feeling. you don't judge me, neither do you pull me down further. but you encourage and make me feel happy about life even though life stinks like hell sometimes. and you're really a great gift that God has given me. and i couldn't be more grateful.

i love you brudder! :D Thank you for being my brudder. lol

oh misery

2008-08-15T07:55:00.001-07:00

*warning: do not read if you're not prepared for a long one and if you feel miserable, please odn't read this. :)

these days haven't been good.
no one will probably read this and i think it's great if it stays that way. i just want to rant, say all the things i'm afraid to say because i'm afraid to let people see that side of me. because i shouldn't be that weak, i shouldn't be thinking these things.
i'd rather hide it, but tonight, i need to say all the things i need to say. i can't keep it in anymore.

i told a friend that this year has been like shit.
school has been less than easy given that it's my final year in poly.
this 3/4 year has drained almost all my strength from me.
though yes, there are memories that make me feel happy in this year, but i'm broken inside somehow.

first i thought that it was because i needed a certain someone back in my life, but no. i was wrong.
even that wouldn't appease me, i've become stronger and used to not having him in my life and i didn't have the time either. you said, "it's normal to miss each other". i don't think it's normal, and yes, it's not. cos i've stopped. i've stopped missing you, i've stopped missing us.

no, i don't need a boyfriend, neither do i need a partner although it'd be nice to have one. because i don't think i can handle all that drama right now. i can't even handle myself. hah.

friends, they play a big part in your life. they sure play a big part in mine. how come the older you get, your real friends become only a handful? how come all those people who look at you who say they'll be there for you don't mean what they say? why do they say it just to make themselves look good? why do friends hurt you if they're friends? why do i feel as if i'm trying all the time to seek the approval of others? why do i feel as if i'm always giving? why can't i, for once, not be afraid to lose friends who hurt me and act as if it's nothing?
i'm seriously tired of you, backstabbing me and all. if you're not happy with me, just get out of my life. i don't need you ruining it. i've forgiven you time and time again because for one, i'm afraid of you and i use your background as an excuse. but then again, why do i need a friend like you? from then, till now, you've not changed. if friends are friends, they don't hurt you like you've hurt me.
i have so many questions and i've been pondering upon this in the past week. friends, friends, friends. what are they? do they really love me for who am i or who they expect me to be? do they really care for you or do they care more about their own lives and what's happening to them?

family, i love my family so much. i don't want either one of them to get hurt ever. and if i had to give my life up for any one of them, i gladly would. even if it means my biological dad and stepmom. biological dad (papa) was not really nice when i saw him the last time. not many people know of this but i feel really pressured to get into a local U partly because of my dad. i was so mad because he said things about my mom. the wonderful person who brought me up without any complaints. yet you, stand in one corner and point your finger at that woman who once loved you, who has brought up your own fleshes and blood. if money could buy happiness, then i would be happy with you. but no, it doesn't work that way. money does not make a kid grow up right, neither does it make a kid love his/her parent more. it's understanding, time, love that does.
you've hurt me in so many ways than one. i've cried so many times because of the things you've said and in the ways you've acted. i'm always trying to be that great person you want to be, but when will you ever understand that all i want is for you to love me for me and not for that person u want me to be?
i've learned to forgive you because i know God placed you in my life for a reason. and i will learn to love you for who you are too. i'm trying, though it's not easy.

i need and want to be the best sister, best daughter best whatever to you guys. i want to be.

Studies. living in Singapore is so tough isn't it? you have to either be smart or beautiful, or fit to fit into society. i'm tired of living up to these standards. aren't you? i'm not beautiful, neither do i have a good figure. i'm not that smart either, so where does that place me? i just want to get into a local University, like NTU or something. i want to do something i love. but i'm tired, and i'm stressed of keeping up with this. i'm still trying to figure out what i really want in life. i'm lost.

Self reflection. honestly, i hate myself. sometimes i think this world would do better without me. that even if i disappeared, no one will realise that i'm gone. i think this is true. sometimes Lord, i wonder why You even made me. most of the time i act as if i'm happy with all in my life, but deep inside i'm actually quite miserable. there are just some days i wish i didn't have to get out of bed. i don't see my future, i feel as if i'm groping in the dark, living a day at a time. i'm tired of living and i have many thoughts so many times this year. but i know when to stop myself cos i know it's wrong. and i get down on my knees and pray for strength i need to live each day.

Joy. i used to have this joy and hope in my heart. but i realise lately that i've lost it. i don't carry them in my heart anymore. maybe i'm just skeptical about life and just miserable. why? why? why? i need it back, and i've been looking for it. where are you joy and where are you hope?

Don't Judge Me. if you're here to tell me that i'm wrong to be saying all these and you want to judge me in your heart, then save all that. i don't need it. i need friends who care. not another judge or another critic. sure, i'm miserable and think terrible thoughts but do you think i enjoy any of this? i don't. and i'm trying to pick myself up. i need to work on it and make myself a better person. i'm trying so if you want to do other stuff other than helping, then just leave. i don't need you.

GOD. please forgive me. i'm just a person. i make the mistakes i make and i feel terrible emotions that i don't want to feel. i don't want to be this way and neither do i want to be a disappointment to You. i know You've never expected too much from me, i know You've always loved me for who i am. but there are so many things i need to do for You that i don't even know where to start. that everything is just weighing me down. tell me, teach me, what i need to do. Lead me, just take my hand and lead me. i need Your direction, i can't fight this world alone. i need You.

Are you feeling miserable yet? i hope not, that was not my intention in the first place and don't say i didn't warn you. :) i feel slightly better after this. please pray for me even if you're just a random passerby okay? Thank you for your kindness.

and i'm not giving up yet, i won't so easily. i will pick myself up i promise. and even if i have to fight this war alone, i will battle it till it's over. the victory is mine cos God gave it to me. i will continue fighting.......................................................

goodnight! :)

for my 2 very precious girls. :)

2008-07-23T06:58:00.001-07:00

Hello, i have a stupid essay to write an a speech to prepare for tomorrow but..
i'm sure you're wondering by now, who are these 2 precious girls to me? hehe. you'll find out in a matter of time.....

Phyllis Phua, my sweetheart, my girlfriend,
DO NOT WORRY OKAY! :) remember to just do your best and God will do the rest. It's okay for you to set high aims or have high expectations of yourself but don't let it take over. Do not worry about what outcomes will be.
Jesus said, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34)

You know why He said to not worry about tomorrow? Cos He's there and He knows the wonderful plans He has for you so He wants you not to worry. When you give your all, God sees it and He will be pleased i'm sure. and He will reward you and help you.
God knows your worries but He's there and He's got everything planned out nicely for you. ;)

You've come so far dearie, and really, just enjoy lessons, play hard when it's time to and work hard when it's time to. :)
If you're not good in your art, you wouldn't have even gotten into NAFA la! hold on to your dreams okay! dream of all the wonderful things you can do with these talents of yours.

"Cast your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

He's there for you dear, and so am i and many many others. Smile and be happy and relax!
you'll do just fine and even better! :D:D
i believe in you, and so does God!
love you dip dip x infinity, phyllis sweetheart!

Chong Yi-Ling, my honey goofy,

Goofy, i know you're not going through an easy time and no matter what i do, i will not be able to remove the pain you're going through. i really don't know what i can do to help but just to let you know i'm here to listen to you and be here for you if you need anyone to talk to. :) even if you just need a hug, i'm here. i'm giving away free bear hugs btw. exclusive to members (greatest friends) only. hehe

1stly, you are not stupid, dumb or whatever. whatever society calls or dubs you as or whether or not all those stuff that you study can get into your head, it doesn't matter. cos all that matters is God takes pleasure in you, His very precious creation. When He created your brain, He didn't think "wow, that's one useless brain for sure.". He thought "Wow! she's perfect and wonderful". And i'm very very sure He thought this because i read it in the bible. ;)
Sure, maybe you can't study those maths, business, accounts or whatever stuff that others are terribly good at, but the brain is used for many other things as well.
It doesn't mean that if you can study well/do well in exams, means you're not good enough. It just means you're academically inclined.

You have so many other amazing talents my dear. and i wish you could see it yourself. I'm not asking you to think highly of yourself, i just want you to see what others see in you. you're funny, caring and you make people feel comfortable and happy. and so much more! do you know that so many people out there can't do that? Instead of making people feel better, they make others feel worse. Really. All these talents you have, God put them there for a reason. Smile, because you're fearfully and wonderfully made! :D

i know that perhaps life hasn't been treating you well. perhaps you're going through a rough patch. don't give up dear, things will get better in time. right? :) hold on to God, He's there for you, all you need to do is reach out. We're here for you, always.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

We all have weaknesses dear, so do i. but God's strength is made perfect in our weakness so let's boast about them okay! :D:D hehe

Things will get better. i know for sure. hang in there!

"All things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

i love you goofy! update me soon okay! and call/sms me if you need someone!
love you much much. :)

okay, i'm going back to doing my work now. to my 2 lovely precious girls, i hope you guys are feeling better/will feel better! love you both so much that i could cry. :p
hugs! :)

I will love You.

2008-07-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

Love the Lord your God
with all your heart,
with all your soul,
with all your mind,
with all your strength.

This week has been a terrible one for me.
Monday - I woke up feeling a tightness in my chest. I went to see the doctor to collect a blood test report with my mom. I took the day off because i was feeling breathless.

Tuesday - Went to school doing normal stuff but feeling incredibly tired. :(

Wednesday - Same thing but towards the end of the day, I was feeling super tired and super breathless. I was giddy and could hardly stand still. Ann was like asking me if i was okay during the last lesson. I was just trying to get some air. :( Went to see the doc and he was saying that it could be a stress/anxiety attack. Ya, I've been busy and all and perhaps stressed. but I don't think it'll cause this.... right? oh well. he gave me some mediciation to relieve all that and gave me 2 days mc for thurs and fri.

Thursday and friday - I was sleeping most of the time. I was like K.O. The doc's med is really amazing. Its like "sleepsleepsleep" most of the time. :( It did relieve my tightness in the chest though it still hurt.

Saturday - 12th July 2008. First day i served on stage with the rest of the worship ministry. They are amazing people i tell you. And me being able to serve is not me. not who i am. It's all about God. without Him, i wouldn't have anything. It is such a blessing from Him to be able to serve in this way. And the amazing thing is I didn't feel breathless at all when i was up there. I just felt God looking after me. :)

Sunday - 13th July 2008 (today) I served today in the morning too. The feeling was amazing too. Thank you God. You are truly amazing and the love You have for me, is so much more than anyone could ever give me. :')

I will love the Lord with all my heart,
with all my soul,
with all my mind
and with all my strength.

Okay, i'm stressed out now and I've got LOADS LOADS LOADS of things to do. but i'm trusting in the Lord and that He'll lead me through all that I need help with.

-Thanks Phyllis Phua, Bryan Phua and the rest of the worship min, for the encouragement. you guys are GREAT. :) hehehe.

UPDATE YOZZZZ.

2008-07-06T05:58:00.000-07:00

YEAH, HE DIED FOR YOU, JUST FOR YOU AND ME. :')

i'm supposed to be doing some forensic science report but because some people complained that i nv update, here i am. i am super bored, super super super boredddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. HELP!
on a sidenote, i enjoyed today. 060708 was a blast and lunch after that was super nice too! :D:D:D
i am so proud of BRYAN PHUA for designing such a nice pass it on card! hehe. my future lao gong so capable hor. lol.
today has been a good day, and i'm going to go back to doing work now after such a random post. at least i updated right? :D

till next time, BYE! :)

blogger baby!

2008-05-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

YEAP. i'm back to blogger and i hope i don't regret this choice.
hehehehe.